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Submitted on
March 12, 2013
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574×360
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3.7 MB
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1m:47s
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4,388
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384 (who?)
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65
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:iconsarahostervig:
Sarahostervig Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
@01:45this was hillarious <3
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A personal project I've been working on for storyboarding practice. The style changes about half way through, after I got some feedback that the panels were too detailed. Think of them as "illustrations." I'll still be tweaking things and playing with the sound for a while, but that's enough for tonight. Anyway, feel free to critique! I don't really know what I'm doing. There are some bits that bother me, and I have no idea how the idea comes across, so your suggestions are welcome. :)

(I'll probably regret the music choices in the morning... sigh)
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:iconaderusnimerath327:
AderusNimerath327 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh!! Awesome!!
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:iconseranity101:
seranity101 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
it really shows what there doing to our food and its really good
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:iconaidapup:
AidaPup Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
That was adorable. Fantastic!!
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:iconlexywright454:
LexyWright454 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
LOL This was fantastic. Wonderful animation and storyline. Just great!
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:iconabigbadwolf:
ABigBadWolf Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist
CUTE OMG. XD
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:iconsiddka:
Siddka Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Awe!
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:iconkelshray:
Kelshray Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Amazing emotions!!!
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:iconbayanclaymore:
BayanClaymore Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful!
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:iconkaleoscope:
Kaleoscope Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
That is so cute. XD
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:iconsarahostervig:
Sarahostervig Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
@01:45this was hillarious <3
Reply
:iconjacob-cross:
Jacob-Cross Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
NIce...
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:iconrangeh:
Rangeh Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh. my. goodness. I think this is possibly one of the cutest things ever. With a strong message, too!
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:iconw0rld-eater:
W0RLD-EATER Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww, really cute, can't wait to see it when it's fully fledged. :aww: The idea reminds me of the novel Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl, but more realistic, obviously. :D
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:iconopalcrazy:
OpalCrazy Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So cute!! Great Job!
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:iconemlis:
Emlis Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
haha, I like that!
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:iconwooflesart:
WooflesArt Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Clever, very clever!! I loved the foxes facial expressions, and I really didn't expect the 'mom" bit!
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:iconanimus-panthera:
Animus-Panthera Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
This is adorable and hilarious!
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:iconkeprion:
Keprion Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you're my favorite animator Klak :heart:
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:iconraraavisinterra:
RaraAvisInTerra Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
EEEEEE What a wonderful idea! :love:
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:iconwildgriffin:
WildGriffin Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Ohman this is super awesome! I love how expressive the characters are and the movement, even through storyboards. :D
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:iconheumilch:
Heumilch Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013
this is amazing! especially the unexpected end :3
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:iconcaroro:
caroro Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This was cute! and it reads well! I love the music choice personally. :)
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:iconmaria-mar:
maria-mar Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013
Excelent! I do hope you chose to tell this story in a finished "format" some time!... Animation is perfect but it's also hard work. A small comic strip or illustrated story might work as well :)
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:iconhazardousmonstrosity:
HazardousMonstrosity Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student Filmographer
omg this is so cute! <3 you're amazing and so talented! I want to be this good!
Reply
:iconholyfrap:
HolyFrap Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The drawing is deffinetly cute, especially the second half. I found the second half easier on the eyes given the lack of detail.

As for the story, it confuses me where you're trying to go with it.

At first I feel like you're trying to portray a message about mass farming? This follows through a little bit when the fox converses with the first hen. (Though I thought the message was trying to negatively portray farming so I was a little surprised by the sudden cute turn) It bothers me a little that the fox asks an apparently obvious question considering the end result of the cartoon (if the hen is his 'adoptive' mum not only should the other hens know him, it seems a bit redundant that he'd be asking them questions he should already know)

Though, the biggest thing that bothers me is the sudden cute turn of the cartoon. If there was an intended message that you wanted to protray seriously, the joking nature of the fox ruined it. At this point, the story turns into an adorable little animation with no real intent.

When the fox reveals that the hen is his mother, there should be more emphasis on that. Either with the voices or the timing. I had to rewind the animation to get a grasp on what just happened. Sorta like when something happens too fast in a book, and you have to reread the paragraph.

Also the joke at the end about the eggs being fertilized, I don't really understand the intent of it? Is it a joke? If it is, the reaction from the fox should be more apparent on his face. It's not really animated (scuse the pun LOL) enough to end the cartoon on it's own with impact. If it's not a joke and it was meant more of a message of how the hen came to realization that eating eggs is okay because it's not harming anyone then that should emphasized upon. The idea of the bit at the end is a bit cloudy to me anyway.

Over all the animation is cute! and I love your doodles as always; it's just the story is a bit jumbled and doesn;t seem to have any real intent or flow. It's like you had a bunch of ideas and you couldn't decide which ones you liked best and sorta just in cooperated them all. Like when I get too ambitious about a drawing and put in so much stuff it gets hard to look at //sighhhh
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:iconklakklak:
KlakKlak Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you for the crit! I'm going to do a revision in the next day or so based on this feedback. I do mean for the piece to be fairly light - the beginning was supposed to be more "over-the-top sneaky" in a cute way, not darkly critical. I'm going to scraps the hen-as-mother "gag" and try to strengthen the ending. I completely agree with you there. Do you mind if I note you for your thoughts on the updated version, when I have it done?
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:iconholyfrap:
HolyFrap Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem! It's a big pet peeve of mine when I ask for critic and then only receive cooshy comments. I think scrapping the mother joke is a good idea; it was really cute, but it would need a lot more back story to make it worth your while to tell the story.

I don't mind at all! I am more than happy to help! I'd never have the patience to animate so helping others is the closest I'll ever get BAHAHA
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:iconicecats:
Icecats Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Professional Artist
This needs to become an animated short film like right now XD
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:iconchocottobrownie:
Chocottobrownie Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013   Digital Artist
YES
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:iconklakklak:
KlakKlak Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Haha. :D Maybe some day. Maybe.
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:iconicecats:
Icecats Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Professional Artist
DO IT! LOL
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:iconjerepasaurus:
Jerepasaurus Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I see this as animals being given the chance to evolve their minds with the changing times, given the insight to know what their life really is, at least for the most part. They accept their roles and take it on the chin, just living day to day as they always have. I wonder if as that hen studied her eggs a moment, there was that reminder that she wasn't even able to have those eggs with some nice rooster chap, and her eggs are going to be collected and hauled away anyhow. She lays them every day and they get taken every day, and she keeps laying more, as if she sits on the same eggs forever, never going to hatch. Still, as a hen, instinct tells her to sit there and protect them, and yet, they're all just wise enough these days to be able to stop and see what their life is. Why bother the fox? The fox only has a few now and then and the fox knows how things used to be, too.
I'm actually just a bit surprised the hen didn't sort of sigh and offer the fox one anyhow.

I really enjoyed this, and I hope we get to see the finished product!

I think the only bits I could give a crit to, would be how the fox suddenly differentiated the last hens from the others. Perhaps you need another short identifying moment, where the fox lifts the edge of the nest and sees no sign, or looks around and gets some clue? We see clearly why they pass up the others, but they find these hens instantly and I was left a little confused what made them stand out suddenly.
Also, when the hen lays on the floor, I think you'd be free to make it sit firmly upright in place instead of lumped and relaxed on the floor. I dont have chickens, but my sister does, and I get the impression you can do nearly anything to them while they're asleep, and they're too out of it to change position. =p
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:iconklakklak:
KlakKlak Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Hey, thank you for the detailed response! :) You're interpretation is what I was aiming for, only more beautifully put. And you clarified some issues for me, that I'll fix in the next revision. I'll show that the fox stops on the current hen because her eggs are labelled "No GMO" or "GMO free", and I'll remove the weird "mom" comment to make the fox more anonymous. I'll indicate more clearly that the fox is going to get the eggs.

That's really funny about the chickens. xD I've never actually interacted with one that was sleeping.
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:iconjerepasaurus:
Jerepasaurus Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh excellent! I was really hoping to hit the mark! <3
And I've VERY glad I could help! I'm also glad you decided to remove the "mom" comment, because that one did in fact leave me a bit confused as well. I think with these revisions you'll have exactly what you're aiming for!

And yeah, holy cow, chickens are ridiculous! XD They're incredibly stupid, though often insightful somehow in their silly little bird brains. I think if you have the fox place down the hen in a sitting position, the tail wagging could wake her, and maybe give the hen some of those little comical 'sleepy spots' in her vision, like she's in a daze? OR, you could try the classic "wonky pupils" that shift large and small? I've always loved that effect and I've seen sleeping birds wake up and sit in a daze while their eyes shift, but their brains take a few seconds to kick in. In chickens, they tend to "baaaawwwwwk?" in a croaky tone, like a sleepy groan of confusion. lol
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:iconvampirkaetzchen:
Vampirkaetzchen Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013
haha, what a sweet story!
the fox's face at the end was so funny xD
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:iconklakklak:
KlakKlak Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
XD I'm glad. Thank you!
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:iconskaieblue:
SkaieBlue Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh ahhahaha...Half way through I thought he was going to eat the eggs, and then look at the sign and it would say something like super grubs...and the chickens would be going partially crazy. The fox, after eating the eggs, would then start to go crazy too. LOL I have no clue why I thought that.
Very nice story though! I love it.
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:iconklakklak:
KlakKlak Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Heh! That's a wild idea. :D Thanks for telling me.
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:iconnordlyset:
NordLyset Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
I can't watch it :I I dosen't show up :c
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:iconklakklak:
KlakKlak Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Hmm... that's strange! I've uploaded it to Youtube as well. :) Try it here: [link]
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:iconnordlyset:
NordLyset Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Thanks! Lovely story :)
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:iconsoulphur:
Soulphur Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh my! This is wonderful! I love the idea of it!
Bravo!
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:iconklakklak:
KlakKlak Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconceleste1528:
celeste1528 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
gorgeous!! :heart:
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:iconklakklak:
KlakKlak Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you. :)
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:iconceleste1528:
celeste1528 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
no worries :D
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:iconpandemoniumfire:
pandemoniumfire Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
This is gorgeous and, from an animators perspective, very nicely done. While I loved the first half, the second half felt much more like a storyboard. I can't wait to see this fleshed out some more (the story is wonderfully original)
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:iconklakklak:
KlakKlak Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you! Yeah, it was supposed to be a storyboard in its entirety. I got carried away in the beginning. xD I'm going to tweak some actions based on people's feedback, but I'm going to keep the visual style how it is now. It can be an example of illustration or boarding, depending on the viewer.
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:icontianascott:
TianaScott Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Professional Filmographer
awesome chika love it
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