I wanted to update the original file, but I guess DA won't let you change videos. : Hrm... Anyway! I've tweaked a few shots and I think the story makes more sense and has a better ending now.
Thank you, everyone, for the previous feedback! It was really helpful. I'm definitely still open to crits, but I consider this mostly finished, even with the inconsistent visual "styles". In other words, I appreciate feedback on the story, pacing, and composition, but I don't plan on shading the second part, as I don't think doing so contributes to the actual story.
First draft: [link]